Sonnet 8

Lately, my nights have been dark, sometimes almost too dark to see beyond this one--
In those moments--it is your voice that is my beacon in that seeming endlessness--
I long for you, turning like a flower towards the sun.
Sometimes I fancy myself completely alone, trapped in friendlessness.
You remind me, remind me, there are cares beyond mine
Echoes, tears and aches in the universe I cannot fathom
Somehow this does not pain me but reminds me, that I am fine
My own terror, nameless fears are not a yawning chasm.
You are a mirror of that which frightens me, yet you do not succumb to fear
I find you uncompromising and realize I admire you, wish to be worthy of your attention
My flesh trembles inside the silken shadows, desire you here
That I dream of you, even awake, I scarcely mention.
Every time we speak, every second you are in my life
Those are the times, the moments free of strife.

Sonnet 7

I long to be your shelter from the storm
Although this world is cold,
My love will serve to keep you warm.
If you are young, then I am old
But every poet needs a muse
I am still the maiden to your hunter
Your loving heart, I won’t abuse
I the Goddess to your sun, your punter
When the heat of living is too much
I am the vengeful crone
I will smite any who say such--
As to make you sad, you’re not alone.
My words feel inspired,
In writer’s block I’m no longer mired.

Sonnet 6

I long for you
An almost tangible ache
Do you dream of me too?
Love like this is no mistake.
My body, my heart yearns
I am counting the seconds 'til I can lay in your arms
Slowly, slowly the time turns
This seduction continues, I yield to your charms
Desire so potent it burns.
Visions of nights writhing with passion
My thoughts indecent when I feign purity
To cure this itch I'll need compassion
Just so that you can guarantee--
A place in time
Where bodies align.

This is no longer a sonnet,
Do not vomit
But this poem is lame (LOL)

Sonnet 5

Trapped by my own shadow in twilight
My heart is a maze of confusions
Your voice, your words, lead me back to light
Surrender the burdens of these contusions.
This shade hangs on me, cruel spectre
Haunted by a past I would relinquish,
Never wanted life to take this vector
Only your presence helps me vanquish
All that haunts me in my soul--
I long for the freedom brought by your fingers,
Value each of these seconds that we stole.
Once the sheets cool, your presence lingers.
Wrapped in my own chains,
The “We” is all that remains.

Heartbreak, Heartmend

Pondering past problems
In pursuit of new solutions.
Thought I had gone and buried them
Deep in a safe place
But they were hiding in my very cells
Making me sore and ill
And I didn't even know
Except in nightmares
That left me shaking
Wracked by blinding migraine pain.

My spine ached
Pain travelling from the base
To the crown
I stretched and contorted
I saw doctors to no avail
But they found nothing
And I could not shake the pain.
Only yesterday--
Beneath the hands of a masseuse,
Did things suddenly become clear.

I lay on my side
His hands explored along my spine
When his fingertips found the area behind my heart,
Something released.
I pressed my eyes shut tightly
To keep the tears from squeezing out the corners.
In that moment, I knew
My heart was broken.

This revelation was a blessing.
Suddenly, I knew why I hurt so bad
Strangely,
It was a great relief.
Slowly muscles throughout my body relaxed
The congestion in my lungs broke up.
I could breath again
Deep, free breaths.

I cried more on the way home
The deluge of sadness
A profound respite
From the pain I could not define.
The realization of my heartbreak
Was a liberation
Heartbreak
To gradual mend.

"Love" in a Vaccum

I feel a rant coming on--

You told me you loved me
So when I got "sick"
You showed me you "cared" by vaccuming.
You were a damn good vaccumer
Very thorough--
I felt guilty because I was too ill to help.

I grew stronger as time passed.
I wanted to return your love so I vaccumed.
I was tired the next day.
You were angry--
It was my fault I was sick,
I dared to vaccum and I brought this on myself.
You forbade me to vaccum.

More time passed--
I vaccumed again.
I emptied the vaccum
But I "Did it wrong"
And left you a mess.
Out of "love"
You cleaned it up.
Again, you forbade me to vaccum.

I vaccumed again.
I was sick the next day.
Later, I wanted to vaccum again but the vaccum was full--
I asked how to empty it and you told me,
"You are not allowed to vaccum.
I will not teach you to empty the vaccum,
Then you won't be able to.
I'll do it for you, don't worry baby.
Save your energy to do nice things for yourself."

I saved energy by not vaccuming.
I went to yoga.
I wrote part of a book.
I painted a picture.
I had lunch with my sister.
I celebrated me just like you told me to.
I felt good about me.
I was happy.

You got angry.
"If you have so much energy,
Maybe you could help out more."

"Ok, how do I empty the vaccum?"

"Oh, it's not the vaccuming--
I didn't take it over so you could go to yoga.
I clean so you will have more energy."

"Great, then you don't mind if I go to yoga?"

"Well, it's ok if you plan one or two of your own activities but only if you save some energy to do things with me."

"Ok, so you resent my free time?"
I can do more around here.
You should have fun too."

"No, I don't mind doing this.
I want to help you.
I want to show you that I care.
Let me help you."

"Ok, are you sure you don't need my help?"

"No, I'm good."

"What do you want to do today?"

"Oh, I kinda planned my own day while you were sleeping."

"You did? I thought you wanted to hang out."

"You slept too long."

"I thought you wanted me to take care of myself."

"I do but you slept until 10:00."

"I'm sorry. I'm ready to hang out now. Just tell me when you are ready. I'll just hang around."

"Oh, you should just go to yoga or take a walk with your sister."

"Yeah, but I want to hang out with you."

"I think I'll just do my own thing--"

I can still sense the depth of your love. It is like an ocean that I almost drowned in.